Thursday, January 08, 2009

Paging Sir Mix A Lot

There is a countdown in my head. At the end of this countdown, I will return to the office.

I fear I will return wearing a Hefty trash bag accessorized by a bungee cord belt.

Why? Because it fits (they go all the way up to 55 gallon). And black is slimming.

I have steadfastly refused to buy any clothes for my post-pregnancy body. I am the "before" on any given episode of What Not to Wear. Sweat pants? Check. Oversized (though not nearly as "over" as I'd like) sweatshirt? Check.

My theory is that I will be more motivated to lose the weight with my clothes waiting for me. Only they aren't so much "waiting for me" as they are "mocking" me.

I guess I'm grateful that my extra fluff is due to having a baby. People tend to give you a free pass when it comes to post-baby weight. That and they really aren't all that interested in how I look when I'm holding a perfectly adorable bundle of baby boy cuteness.

Now, some of you might say that this is the perfect time of year for me to be battling baby weight, right? After all, it's a New Year. Make a resolution! Time for a new beginning!

Resolutions suck. Plus, I think carrying around a resolution adds a couple of pounds, so I'm better off without one. Are you following my logic?

I've lost weight before and know "how" to do it. I have a game plan that works. I just don't wanna play right now.

To my way of thinking, I should go back to my pre-pregnancy weight simply by eating what I ate pre-pregnancy. Right? I mean it was good enough then, why not now (even if I wasn't all that happy with my weight then)?

Only it's not working. I'm afraid it's going to require something drastic. Painful even.

Something like........I can't believe I'm saying this.......exercise. My fingers trembled a little just typing it.

I was planning to start walking with NR once it started getting warmer outside. I'll be honest. I thought I'd be back to my normal weight and would just need a little toning. Or maybe lose some bonus weight.

Yeah, that's not happening. Unless it doesn't start getting warmer until, say, July. I might be closer to my original weight by then.

So, I have to figure something out. I know. My "motivation" practically leaps off the screen.

I need ideas. Fun'ish workouts. I wish I had a workout partner, but my sis moved just far enough away that it's too inconvenient for us to workout together. I've tried to convince MotH to get a Wii, so that I can then get a Wii Fit (hey, it's cheaper then a gym membership and my sis is using it to lose her baby weight), but he wants to wait until we have money....bleh bleh bleh.

OH! I forgot to add a BIG (no pun intended) component to my approaching-manic need to lose weight. We just bought a boat. Nothing fancy, but it will require that I wear a bathing suit this summer (it's also the reason we don't have money for a Wii. MotH is busy fiddling with the stupid thing. I hope he enjoys his new prop while his big ol' wife traumatizes everyone from the bow of the SS Imperfect.).

So, in the interest of not scaring small children (mine or those of a perfect stranger), random fishermen or sun perch, I really must make some changes.

Or maybe I'll just wear the Baby Bjorn all summer and hope NR distracts everyone from looking too closely at mom.


Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

Ah, yes! I did miss your posts! You simply crack me up and, yes, I am following your logic. New Year's Resolutions do suck. I am determined to keep mine for once, but I still hate them.

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

Dear Large and in Charge,
I am still carrying around the baby weight of three kids. My motto is if someone gets scarred lookin, then thats their punishment for lookin.

Oh wait, that's related to closing my blinds.

I hope the city does not ban me from the public pool because of the heallth risks related to second hand stretch marks.

The Mr.

Imperfect Mom said...

MotH, in addition to his hormonal problems while I was pregnant, packed on a couple of sympathy pounds as well.

He would tell you it was due to the extra goodies in the house.

If it makes him feel better to blame it on me, I can take it.

Oh, and if the health risks of second-hand stretch marks will get you banned from the pool, then I'm about to lose my Shawnee citizenship.

Chaos-Jamie said...

I'll be your workout partner. But not until this freaking weather warms up a bit.

However, don't buy the Wii to get the Wii Fit. You can't find it ANYWHERE. I've looked every time I've entered a store since Dec 27th. If you do see one, buy it for me.

Meanwhile I'll We Cheer for my exercise. Maybe do a little Dance Dance Revolution.

But my best advice is "it comes off slow." (curse word) the guy who said "nine months on, nine months off." Five pound drops about every two months. Multiply that by weight gain. For me it was 50 pounds. Thankfully I lost a bunch of weight with the birth of baby plus placenta, plus water weight. But that last 30 came off S-L-O-W.