Wednesday, January 28, 2009


It is apparently an epidemic. Women yearning for close knit, meaningful female friendships.

I have become a Facebook addict and one of the "notes" currently making the rounds is "25 Random Things".

I've lost count of the number of women that have posted "I wish I had close girl friends I could spend time with/share with/etc...".

I used to think it was because I worked out of the home. That left me with little time to participate in mommy groups (MOPS and the like). I figured if only I stayed home, I would have those friendships.

However, many of the women who posted "I want a close friend"-like comments are stay-at-home moms, so I guess I was wrong.

We HAVE friends (lest you think we are trolls that nobody wants to spend time with) and MotH has buddies and he's happy with that. Yet I desire something deeper and more meaningful.

I think women just desire more intimate friendships.

Is it even reasonable to want a friendship like that? I remember my mom having close girlfriends when I was growing up. Is it the way we live our lives now?

I thought going to church would help and it certainly helped grow my circle of friends, but still that "close" friendship remains elusive (note: that is not WHY I started going to church, but I did think it would help to be around like-minded women).

I know I'm not alone in this and am curious what others think.

So here is my question: if so many of us are looking for the same thing, why aren't any of us finding it?


mommy4life said...

My theory is that we get so caught up in the day to day that we don't have the energy left to make the effort. On top of that, we fear reaching out and being rejected, or having to "clean" our house to invite someone over....

At least that is my problem. Having sick kids all the time doesn't help either.

Imperfect Mom said...

Yeah, the house thing is high on my list too. Not that I live in a sty, but I still obsess about it.

Chaos-Jamie said...

Both of you have perfectly acceptable homes. I don't fear getting tetanus when I visit. (though I know the dirty home is always MY deterrent when I don't ask others over)

I think it all comes down to transparency. We've all lived long enough to know that when you give someone a piece of yourself they might later use it against you. So we don't open up for fear of the hurt. And if no one is opening up, how do you become close?

Frankly, I think the blogs help. I know that makes me crazy to think typing at the computer builds relationships, but I think you can be more honest when you're flinging yourself upon the ether. And then we get a little piece of you.

And for what it's worth, I haven't been inviting because we are so darn germy and you have a newby.

Anonymous said...

I think it is because girls are stupid and they stink.

Every boy in third grade in the whole world.

Imperfect Mom said...

NB, is that you?

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

Yes, but how do you know it wasn't Mrs. NB?

Imperfect Mom said...

It was the "girls are stupid and they stink"-comment.

Dead giveaway.

Shannon Dobson said...


I stumbled across your blog in a very random manner. I hope you don't sue me for "copyright" matters, but I had just started my own blog and had already named it "Living Imperfectly in a Perfect World." check it out if you want to :

Anyway, I can so so so relate to this post!!! SO relate to it!! I have older children (10 and 13) and I am a SAHM. I used to work as a teacher in a Christian school; then, my mother died of breast cancer. I went through a very deep depression. I kept my friends at bay. Now, I have physical ailments that prevent me from working and I am at home, with no kids at home. That is even harder than being at home with young ones (which I have also done) because when you are taking care of your babies/toddlers, it is socially acceptable.

I'm so sorry, I don't mean to go on and on about myself. I am in Christian counseling now, and one of the issues I go over and over with my counselor is my loneliness. I have casual church friends and neighborhood friends, but my previous "deep level" friends are now caught up in their careers. I don't blame them; I just miss them terribly. How I long for a real friendship, one I can have a "girls' night out" with.

I am a Facebook fan, too. I did the 25 random facts as well. I also included the "I wish I had close friendships..."

Anyway, thanks for the insightful post. I am an instant fan! :)


Imperfect Mom said...

Thanks Shannon and I will check out your blog :)