Thursday, September 04, 2008


Today at work, a co-worker told me I looked "really great". The other day, another co-worker said "you just get cuter every day".

Seriously? Have these people had their eyes examined? By a trained expert? Did anyone smell their breath when they returned from lunch?

I just want to ask them "what, exactly, about me is 'cute' or 'great?'".

Would it be the double chin? The one that looks like I'm storing nuts for the winter in it?

Maybe it's the red rash creeping up my chest.

Oh, I know! It's my cankles. I have new dimples. ON MY FEET!! I have fluid retention in areas of my ankles/feet that I wasn't aware had any room for fluid to accumulate. Have you ever seen someone fill a latex glove with water? So that the "body" of the glove is bloated, then the skinny fingers hang off the end. Yep, that's pretty much my feet right now.

Wait! It the bouts of profuse sweating I go through several times a day. The one's that make it impossible for me to wear anything more then one time without washing.

Or it could just be............
My oily skin complete with zits
My "wide load" backside that will soon be fitted with a small, beeping warning signal to indicate when I'm about to back up
My fat upper arms that don't just "wave back" when I wave......they actually DO the wave. You know, like at ballgames.
My extra "fluff" that is already dangerously close to the "normal" weight-gain range, despite the fact that I still have the "heaviest" weeks ahead.

I'm certain there are more, but I need to go on?

Yet, and here's the thing that probably qualifies me for a pro-bono head examination, I love it. I LOVE feeling him move (even if it still weirds me out a little). I LOVE every new symptom.

I LOVE feeling like I'M FINALLY a card-carrying member of a secret women-only club that I got kicked out of just prior to making it through hazing last time.

In the past, I've had to bite my tongue when I've heard a fully pregnant woman complain about the discomforts of pregnancy. I've thought "yep, swollen ankles are MUCH more uncomfortable then sitting by your son's bedside praying he'll live another day".

I swore that I would NEVER. BE. ONE. OF. THOSE. WOMEN. if I was every lucky enough to be pregnant again.

But here's the thing........I LOVE that I have some things to complain about. Seriously. Sometimes I complain just because I can, because it makes me "just another crabby pregnant lady". Don't any of you DARE tell MotH that! Refer to my above complaint about extra "fluffage". I'll take you out. I will.

Of course all of this will change once I've had the baby and I'm dealing with the aftermath. I'm pretty sure I won't love that.


Chaos-Jamie said...

I know! I swore I'd never be One Of Those, too. And then I went overdue. Twice.

Hey, those cankles can really be remedied by eating a TON of protein. Like 100 grams a day. Eat cheese without the crackers. Chicken without the pasta. I don't promote Atkins, but I promise you, the water will leave your legs. If nothing else, drink those protein powder shakes. Protein in a natural diuretic.

Nurse Boy said...

I thought my cankles were cute. You mean they weren't?

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Imperfect Mom said...

Protein, huh? It's worth a shot. I had eggs for breakfast, so I guess I'm off to a good start.

So are my cankles. They didn't go down much last night. I may have to ask MotH to elevate the foot of the bed a little. I'd like to see my ankles in the morning, until it no longer matters because I can't see them at all.

I try to drink lemon in my water occasionally, since it is a natural diuretic, but I keep forgetting it.

Oh, and what IS UP with the fact that my belly gets so much bigger by the end of the day. It's like the remaining stomach muscles simply give up around 4pm. I wake up with a normal belly and by the time I go to bed, it's HUGE.

Of course my belly is like dough, so perhaps all of the pummeling it goes through during the day acts much like beating out grows, rises and gets dimples and lumps.