Saturday, August 09, 2008

"I'm hormonal"

No, not me. MotH. Yes, you read that correctly. My husband now claims HE is experiencing pregnancy hormones.

It's my fault, really. I'll explain.

About six weeks ago, I ordered the NEW and REVISED version of "What to Expect When You're Expecting". I'm not exactly sure what makes it NEW and REVISED, only that the cover says it is so it must be true.

Anyway, I noticed that near the back of the book there was a small'ish chapter devoted to expecting dads.

Let's be honest: this is really about ME (well, okay, me and the baby), so he really doesn't need a big chapter.

Deciding to peek into the inner workings of an expectant father's mind (although, curiously, the chapter is written by women), I immediately skipped to that chapter.

What followed was a EUREKA moment. The chapter explained pregnancy and all of it's quirky quirkiness and I immediately decided MotH HAD TO READ THIS CHAPTER.

If he would read it, I was certain a couple of things would happen. One, he would stop rolling his eyes every time I had a hormonal "moment" (he can run faster then me, so I suppose he feels safe rolling his eyes at me). Two, I might get more back rubs out of the deal, since he would certainly be filled with compassion and understanding once he had a better "feel" for my plight.

I read a couple of "high points" just to wet his appetite. It took (as mentioned above) six weeks for him to finally run out of better things to do...............oops, I mean to finally decide to read the chapter.

It would appear that there was an oversight on my part.

Last night, he sat down in the chair, heaved a heavy sigh and announced that he had been grumpy (different topic, different day....maybe) because he was having HORMONAL PROBLEMS.

Yeah, that was my reaction too.

He went on to explain that "the book" said men often experience hormonal issues when their partners are pregnant. Some hooey about getting them ready to "nurture". I said "yeah, I've really felt nurtured". He replied "to nurture the BABY, not you".

He also mentioned something about sympathy weight, but told me I wasn't to say anything to him about his thighs because he's "hormonal right now".

This morning, I said something to him about picking up a dish and he gave me a look of long-suffering and told me to be patient because, you guessed it, he's "hormonal right now".

This was a significant strategic error on my part.

I tried to convince him that MY hormones were crazier and, even if he disagreed with that, since I wasn't allowed to use my hormones as an excuse, he couldn't either.

Stupid book. Of course he hasn't READ the parts yet that I wanted him to read.


Nurse Boy said...

OK, that is some funny stuff! I am so glad this "New and Improved" version was not in our home when I was pregnant with Sweet Pea! I had enough hormones for the both of us, I couldn't have handled Nurse Boy claiming to have some of his own!

Nurse Boy said...

It's not hormones that he is experiencing. If it were hormones, he would not be able to admit his insanity had anything to do with them. He would cry at the drop of a hat and go into fits of rage when very small things were not right. If you mentioned his hormones he would then go into a 30minute explanation that you could not dismiss his very real issues with hormones. I am an expert on this subject, and you can rest assured MoTH has misdiagnosed himself!

Imperfect Mom said...

Oh he misdiagnosed himself, alright.

If he wants hormonal, I'll SHOW HIM hormonal. Not that I have any hormonal problems or anything.

And anyone that says otherwise gets to make their own dinner for a week.