Monday, July 07, 2008

Sleeping with an octopus

It seemed like such a fine idea at the time.

See I like to FEEL like I'm sleeping on my back, so having a body pillow behind me (so that I can lean against it) is pleasant. By leaning against the body pillow, I can trick my body into believing I'm really on my back whilst remaining safely in the pregnancy-preferred leftward sleeping pose.

Unfortunately, in my effort to find back-leaning comfort, I lose the body pillow in FRONT of me, which I find to not only be pleasant, but wholly necessary. (I only have one body pillow, if you're following along.)

Eureka! I found the solution! It's a pregnancy body pillow that wraps AROUND the entire body. Body pillow in front, body pillow in back, "U" shaped part between the knees and a floppy, extra-long end that is to be used as a "standard" pillow. A Jack-of-all-trades pillow, as it were.

Last night, MotH dutifully marched off to Walmart to pick up my new pillow, the "All Nighter". I decided on the "full body comfort" option (it comes with multiple positioning suggestions). It seemed a wise decision. If going for comfort, it simply makes sense to go for FULL BODY comfort. Am I wrong?

This thing was an "All Nighter", all right. I fought with the thing ALL. NIGHT. LONG (okay, not ALL night, as you'll soon see).

First, I wrapped the long, trailing end around to turn it into my "standard" pillow (imagine me laying within a giant, white oval). Within moments, my neck hurt. No big deal, right? I just flopped the long end up and used my normal pillow.

Then, I decided I wanted to turn over. This is where it got really tricky. See, this pillow basically looks like a huge candy cane. The "U" is between the knees purportedly to help alleviate hip pain. That means one leg is under the "U" and one is above, making it impossible just to turn over.

I had to extricate the leg under the pillow, lay it on top with the other (free) leg, turn over, stick my previously free leg back under the "U" and then wriggle and writhe to regain a degree of comfort.

As I lay there panting and sweaty hot, it began to dawn on me that this may not be the miracle pillow I had hoped it would be.

Ever the optimist, I gamely tried the other side (after performing the extricate-flip-retricate....yes, I know that's not a

My hips began to hurt. Yes, the "U" shape between my knees, the very one meant to alleviate hip pain, was causing MY hips to hurt.

On and on this went.

Getting out of bed to go potty was an event. Perhaps it sounds dramatic to call something as simple as a midnight potty run an "event", but trust me, it was. I had to lift the long, floppy end up and over, much like a floppy toll booth gate, get my legs pulled free of their manacle then reverse the entire routine once I was done with my business.

Finally, at 2am, I'd HAD IT. I grabbed the thing and dragged it across the floor, trailing it's white tentacles across my bedroom, to the closet and dumped it inside.

At this point, I heard MotH start to chuckle. "Don't you like your new pillow?", he asked. "The stupid thing is like an evil octopus", I replied. "You just move around too much", he explained.

He's lucky I was so worn out from wrestling the dang thing!


Nurse Boy said...

You must still be tired since you refuse to blog the rest of the week! By the way, the turkey baster in the hind quarter does not sound pleasant, and the emotions from your oil based shots sounds like prgnancy on crack. I got neutered because I was not willing to endur another pregnancy over 30. I guess I'm just a wimp. By the way, now that I know how to spell Mumu I am just looking for ways use it. Not sure when that will be.

mommy4life said...

I do not envy you. I am glad to have that pregnancy sleeping issue a year in my pastl. Now I just have to deal with a stubborn 1 yr old with separation anxiety...

Imperfect Mom said...

I sat here for a minute RACKING my brain over a post where I talked about the turkey baster. I know I've discussed a Dremel, but a turkey baster was drawing a blank.

Then it dawned on me. He's talking about the giant needle! Turkey baster is a good description.

My husband would probably agree with the pregnancy on crack comment. He mostly hides from me.