Sunday, June 29, 2008

Update

I tried to think of a clever title. Obviously that didn't work out.

Anywho, I'm feeling much better. I'm still having intestinal "quakes" off-and-on. I still get very tired (comes on without warning). However, I am MUCH MUCH improved over earlier in the week.

Praise God!!! I really don't want to be forced to decide between the shots and being sick all the time.

Moving on.

I am 19 weeks and 1 day today. This is significant to me because this week moves me towards milestone # 1.

When I was pregnant with the twins, my water broke at 19 weeks 6 days. I fibbed when they checked me into the hospital and said 20 weeks. In my head, I needed to be 20 weeks for them to admit me (don't ask why. Nobody ever said that to me.).

Assuming I make it past Friday, I'll have made it past my first "goal". There is no reason to believe that I won't make it well past Friday, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't holding my breath justalittle this week.

In non-pregnancy-related news, I got a "free" day today and how did I spend it? Wishing I wasn't "free", lol.

The boys (meaning MotH and AM) went down to MotH's dad's farm to spend the day doing boy things: fishing, 4-wheeling, playing with remote control cars. Normally, when I'm not pregnant and hormonal, I LOVE the quiet day this gives me. I can do what I want. Shop. Read. Nap. Kansas City is my oyster.

I know I SHOULD be loving this. After all, in a few more months I will have a new baby in the house and it will be years before I get these days again. Unfortunately, in my hormonal craziness, I don't care to be alone.

I was supposed to spend the day with my sis, but she wasn't feeling well his morning. Tried to call my parents to see if they were interested in entertaining me, but they were busy with my grandfather all day.

So I went to church, ran a couple of errands and took a nap. I know that SOUNDS like a dream day, but I'm lonely. I had hoped to spend the day reading the last book in a series I've been reading, but I couldn't find the book anywhere and I have a hard time wasting $10 on gas just to find a book.

Feeling sorry for me yet? LOL

That is all for now. Buh bye.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

P17 = devil in a syringe?

This will be short. I should add a disclaimer: I'm not sure if this entry will make sense.

Today was worse then yesterday. I can handle the emotional crisis (not asking MotH for his vote). I can handle the stomach cramps I'm getting (I got the same thing from the progesterone I took 1st trimester, only this stuff is a lot stronger, thus more cramps). I can even handle how hot I am.

I'm not sure I can handle how tired I am. This is worse then when AM came home from the hospital and was up from 10pm-5am'ish every night for months.

I actually feel slightly drunk (I have a past, so I do know what that feels like). I'm not sure when I talk if what I'm saying makes any sense. It's hard to focus on anything (like a book or my laptop). I lay down, but can't sleep (during the day.......I've been sleeping okay at night, although that doesn't seem to help the sleepiness during the day).

*sigh* What I wouldn't give to be able to suck down some coffee during the day.

I called the doctor's office today (I had to go home from work after only three hours, it was so bad......I'm lucky I made it home driving!) to see if this is "normal" and if it gets better. The answer "some women" have these symptoms and they only sometimes get better over time.

Please, God, let me be one of the few.

I'm not being a very good mom (grumpy exhaustion will do that), so I feel intense mommy guilt over that.

I know it's temporary. I know WHY I'm doing this. I just hope that those around me understand why I'm doing this, though judging by some of the comments I got this morning, some don't.

I'm going to try and start getting the shots towards the end of the week in hopes that days 1 & 2 will end up being the worst (and I can endure them over the weekend, when MotH is home all day). Please, let it gradually get better as the week goes on!

Only 17 more to go.

Oh, and sorry. This wasn't as short as I anticipated.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

It's official: I'm certifiable

I created a post many a moon ago about taking progesterone in my first trimester. I believe I used the words "holy progesterone, batman" and said it was irritating.

I knew not what I spoke of.

I started P17 shots last week (hydroxprogesterone, for the pharmaceutical nuts among my three fans). These shots have been shown to significantly reduce the risk of preterm labor, so they are an obvious choice for me.

Never could I have imagined the purgatory (and I'm not Catholic) I currently find myself in.

First, the shot itself. Being the good little (har) Google girl that I am, I dutifully researched this drug prior to the administration of my first shot.

Totally freaked myself out!?!

Site after site I found women moaning about the pain. The size of the needle. That knots left under the skin. On and on and on it went until I was quite certain I would require a brown paper bag while waiting for the nurse to bring mine in the room (to breathe into).

Have I mentioned I'm scared of needles? Yes, I realize I've been stuck with more then my fair share, but the fear is still there. Deal.

Quick flashback. Eight years ago when I was in the hospital after my water broke, they began to talk about a betamethosone shot I would receive to help mature AM's lungs. Each EXTREMELY HELPFUL person that came in my room told me "the shot is very painful, because it's packed in oil and they have to use a big needle".

By the time the day arrived for my first shot (and what ended up being my last shot....delivered before I got the second), I was wholly terrified. I vividly remember wrapping my body around several pillows (for many pillows are a pregnant woman's best friend) and, uh, not exactly cooperating.

The nurse started to reassure me "oh, it's not that bad. You'll be just fine." Uh, uh sister. All your little sadistic friends told me how bad this shot was. Too late to back track now.

I had the shot and it wasn't horrible.

Back to modern day. THIS shot is also packed in oil and while I had my previous experience under my belt (proving it to be less horrifying then promised), I was still apprehensive.

Long story short. I didn't have to hug any pillows (there weren't any) and I didn't scream or cry or otherwise make a food of myself. I didn't even FEEL the first shot. The second one stung a little, but nothing unbearable.

Piece. oh. cake, thought I. Right?

Holy laughter ensued and God looked down at my naivety.

Last week I skated through the days following "the shot". Until about day five.

What happened on day five, you ask.

On day five, I found myself crying over my kitchen sink. I couldn't tell you the reason now, nor could I have told you the reason then.

Day six brought another crying jag after the cat, yes the cat, bit me. He was playing with MotH and nipped my arm. Barely left the smallest of dents. I cried like he'd broken my heart.

The cat.

This past Monday (a.k.a. yesterday) brought shot number two. I'm an old pro now, right, so I know what to expect this time.

Joke's on me. Again. (If only I were capable of laughing right now.)

I'm not going to lie to you. This one burned a little. The nurse asked "are you okay". Well, other then the needle stuck in my BUTTOCK......."I'm fine", I say.

I left thinking "okay, that one hurt a little more then last time, but it's alright. I'm a tough cookie. Ain't gonna bring ME down."

Plus I have at least five more days before the irrational crying starts, right?

(There's a theme here and I'll give you a hint. When I say "right", you can be certain I'm about to prove how wrong I am. Oh the irony.)

Woke up this morning to a rather sore fanny. It got progressively worse. But that's not the super fun part. No, the SUPER FUN (!) part was when I grossly overreacted on the phone with MotH. Even funner (is that a word?)? Actually started to tear up BECAUSE MY CAR NEEDED GAS!

And tired. Oh my gosh, I don't think I've ever been this tired. This makes the first trimester (and, okay, the second trimester) sleepiness look like........ I don't know but something not very tired. Maybe someone after a Starbucks binger (assuming one could afford a Starbucks binger).

I think my fingernails actually fell asleep I was so tired. I know I couldn't think of the word for "table" and ended up calling it the "flat thing we eat off of", which earned me a sideways glance from MotH.

At one time my tongue was so heavy with fatigue that I could barely speak. Breathing took more effort then I felt I had left to give.

This was by 3pm this afternoon.

So now it's 8:41 p.m. and I'm blogging.

My butt still hurts (both sides right now, thanks to sciatic nerve pain on the non-shot side).

I'm emotionally unstable.

MotH is hiding in the garage (see preceding point for the reason he finds it necessary to hide).

All of this is sooooo worth it if it gets me closer to full-term. I know that and I believe that.

I just wish I got to enjoy this a little more.

Oh, I should mention that I will get these delightful little doses of oil-based goodness every week until I'm at or near full-term.

Let the good times roll. Just don't roll too close to me or I might cry.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The black hole. A more serious note. An update.

It's been a while since I've read up on black holes. I seem to recall that they suck surrounding heavenly bodies into their void.

I figure that's a pretty accurate description of my appetite these days.

How can a three inch child require two corndogs. 1/2 a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (hey, it was organic peanut butter). Popcorn. And Cheez-it's. All for lunch?

(the food police can keep their mouths shut and just quietly mumble in the corner amongst themselves regarding my nutrient deficient lunch)

Now, I want a banana with honey and some cantelope. Healthier choices, yes, but seriously.....HOW MUCH CAN A THREE INCH CHILD WANT TO EAT.

I swore I wouldn't eat like this. With my last pregnancy, I ate anything and everything I wanted. I'm trying to be good, because I don't want to deal with the weight aftermath.

But when a craving hits, I am capable of serious bodily harm if I don't satisfy it. How am I supposed to battle such hormonal hankerings?

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On a more serious note, last night I was on a storm chasing forum I follow when I heard mention of the Boy Scout camp hit near Omaha. My cousin and her family live in the Omaha area and her oldest son missed our family reunion due to a special opportunity he was given to attend leadership training at scout camp this week.

When I started watching an Omaha station (via my laptop) and heard them say that this week was a special "leadership training" week at the camp, my heart just sank.

I called my mom (she's still in Colorado) to have her call my aunt (his grandmother). Yes, he was there and they didn't know anything.

I found out this morning that he is fine and was hunkered down in the one building left standing. There were three boys from his troop at the camp (including my cousin's son) and one of them had to perform CPR on one of the boys that lost his life.

The maturity and presence of mind that these young men showed is amazing. They used their first aide skills to help other scouts, immediately began to help sift through rubble looking for their friends. They experienced things boys of that age should never have to experience and did it with a confidence few adults experience in crisis.

Their parents should be very proud.

Please keep all of the effected families in your prayers. Our prayers were answered, but we are all too aware that the prayers of four other families didn't have the same outcome.

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Back to a lighter note, an update.........

I have not seen the llama (or alpaca) again. This is delighting MotH who is sticking with the "it's all in your dreams"-line.

Stupid llama/alpaca.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Quickest way from A to Pee

I just returned from a family reunion in Colorado.

We drove out there in two shorter, more manageable bursts over Thursday and Friday and then drove ALL the way home on Sunday. That's roughly 11 hours in the car. While pregnant.

Anyway, that isn't really the point of this blog post. This post is to try and invoke a little sympathy for my plight, since I received NONE from my family.

I was abandoned by my brother and his wife. I was abandoned by my sister and her family. I was even abandoned by my parents (they jumped ship with my brother).

I probably would have been abandoned by MotH, except I believe the law frowns on leaving your pregnant wife at a gas station in the middle-of-nowhere-Kansas.

Why such cruelty? What did I do to deserve such wanton desertion?

I had to pee. A lot.

I can understand my brother's abandonment. I suppose it was fair for my parents to abandon me. After all, my mother's already had to deal with me being the cause of frequent potty breaks (while pregnant with me), so it's hardly fair to expect her to go through that twice.

However, one would THINK my sister would be more sympathetic since she's pregnant too.

I have come to the conclusion that pregnant+altitude+small cup o' Joe = the ability "go" twice my weight in water.

For example, we left our cabin Sunday morning. I decided to use the girl's room in Fraser, CO (never waste an opportunity to go potty, I always say......"always" meaning since last Thursday). By the time we got to Winter Park, a mere THREE MILES AWAY, I had to go again. Really had to go. It was at that point that my sister decided to jump ship.

I tried to get the whole family (extended family) to give me a map and let me get a head start on our trip to Leadville (we were there to sprinkle the ashes of my grandparents at a lake near Leadville). I tried to explain that I would be making frequent stops, but they all reassured me "that's okay, we'll probably need to stop anyway".

After the second stop, my dad began to anticipate my "need" and he claimed HE needed to stop. I'm pretty sure that was just to take the heat off of me and I love my pop for taking one for the team. By the time we got to Leadville, the good-natured grumbling had turned into heavily burdened sighs and avoiding eye contact.

Hey, I warned them! Whoever said blood is thicker then water obviously didn't mean THAT kind of water.

The one comic moment came when MotH asked me "where I wanted to stop" and I responded "whatever is the quickest way from A to Pee". I stinkin' crack my self up sometimes.

Unfortunately laughing only makes the problem worse.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Dreaming of llama's?

I really wanted to get up on my soapbox and post a little rant about a "hurt" last week, but I've decided not to. It wouldn't serve a purpose, other then to let me blow hot air, so what would be the point? Besides, there's that whole "forgive 70 times 70"-thing, so it's time to let it go.

So, instead, I'll talk about llama's.

We have a miniature horse farm just down the road from our house and I drive by it frequently. Occasionally, I have seen sheep there, but usually it's just the mini horses. It's fun to go by there right now, because there are lots of babies.

The other day I was on my way home (from where, I don't recall) and noticed a family standing by the fence looking at the horses (this is common). Adult minis.......check. Baby minis....check. Llama.....huh???

Yes, there was a llama standing there.

At least I'm pretty sure there was.

I went home and told MotH. He immediately told me I had DREAMED the stupid llama and it hadn't really been there.

Mean, nes pas? He thinks this is terribly amusing. (He's using my admission of strange, vivid dreams against me.)

A few days later, I was driving back home again (this time from the grocery store). THERE WAS THE LLAMA (it hangs out with the horses)!!! I went home and poked MotH and asked "do we both agree that I am fully awake and not dreaming?" He looked at me like I was crazy and said "huh?".

I poked again "AM I AWAKE???". "Uh, I guess so", says he.

"The llama was there again! I just saw it and you just agreed that I was awake."

He smirks and said something along the lines of "even if this was a dream, wouldn't I still tell you that you were awake?".

This is NOT helped by the fact that EVERY TIME we drive by the farm together, that stupid llama is hiding. He's even got AM in on it "hey, AM, look for mom's imaginary llama".

I ask you, am I deserving of such treatment?

He "helpfully" suggested "maybe you should put a camera in your car, if you're so certain you've seen a llama".

I'll show him what he can do with his camera!

Oh, and it may have actually been an alpaca.