Monday, October 02, 2006

Today I'm having a "bad" waiting-adoptive-mom day, but a good "current" mom day

The most recent batch of "rumors" is disheartening.

As usual, nobody seems to know what is going to happen (most agencies won't even speculate....releasing info ONLY they have it from a definite source directly from the CCAA). Unfortunately, the most recent rumors are that things will speed up, after hitting 18 months.......or that they'll continue to slow down, and eventually get to 24 months.

It seems like the agencies that ARE speculating/leaking info are split about 50/50 on these rumors.

My own number analysis tells me that if they continue to take two months to get through one month of referals, it will be summer of '08 before we have our referral.

While I know we won't get the "wrong" baby, I never imagined we'd wait nearly three years (from the time we started) to bring her home.

My mind tries to wrap itself around the idea of having children eight years apart and frankly, it breaks my heart. Will they ever be close? Even have anything in common? I just don't see how it's possible.

However, the emotional side of this WILL always does.

Unfortunately, not having ANY idea what will happen makes planning for the future very, very difficult. I don't want an answer from anyone, but I really wish someone could tell me (someone from our agency) what they believe will happen. I mean they've been doing Chinese adoptions forever.....surely they have to have SOME idea what "might" happen. But they are completely closed mouthed.

Meanwhile, we have to try and plan for the future, without really knowing anything about what could happen. Do we go ahead and sell the house? Or wait until we're done with the adoption? Do we plan family vacations? Do I commit to various projects at church?

It sort of feels like we can't make any moves at all, because we have no idea what might happen in the next few months.

I know, I know that this will all work out and that when it's over, we'll look back and understand why God had us wait........but occassionally it causes me to have a "bad" day. I suppose a better word would be "deflated". I feel sort of deflated today, regarding the adoption.

HOWEVER, my "current" motherhood day is going quite well. I had my first parent-teacher conference today and AM is doing so well in school. His teacher said he is a very bright student. He is getting 80% of his vowel sounds identified (consistently) and beginning to put multiple "sounds" together. She said she fully anticipates she'll begin teaching him to read around Christmas........and that he's ahead of most of the other kindergartners in that area. There are two areas of concern: his handwriting (which we knew would be an issue, due to grip strength issues.....but it's improving tremendously) and that he talks to much (can't for the life of me figure out where he would have inherited that, lol).

I hardly know how to handle a meeting like that. To have two people tell me that AM is really bright, when we were told he'd really struggle and have a lower IQ (due to his prematurity)........well, it's just further proof of what a miracle God worked in him!

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