I suppose I should have included a warning when I started this log: ****Warning**** God ahead...Jesus crossing. Then again, most everyone that knows me already knows of my belief in God, so perhaps the warning isn't needed after all. At any rate, if you don't want to read my Jesus ramblings and are only here for adoption updates......you can feel free to skip this post. It is my prayer, however, that you will find some encouragement if you do read this.
I just hung up the phone with a dear friend. This woman and I have been friends since highschool, when we were as close as sisters. Chances are good that if I'm reminiscing about school, Nici was somehow involved in the memory.
As long-time friendships go, ours has ebbed and flowed. Many times over the last decade, our correspondence has been limited to an occasional phone call to share good or bad news. Earlier this year, she was in a terrible car accident and called me. The years melted away and I wanted to spend time with her and bring even a small measure of comfort, if possible. Well, she battled back from her injuries and just when she began to really put the wreck behind her, she found out she has cervical cancer.
As we've done over the years, she called me to tell me the news. What she doesn't know is that when we hung up, I wept bitter tears over her news. You see, that's how it is with sisters of the heart. We may not keep in touch like we should, but when I found out she was hurting, I hurt as well.
During our conversation we talked a little bit about "hope". She was telling me that she shared my blog with a friend who's wife had just suffered their second miscarriage. She mentioned that we don't always know why things happen, but that God has a plan....we just may not know what that plan is until years later when it's been revealed to us.
So that led us to the topic of hope. The Bible tells us not to mourn as those with no hope. See, life without hope is rather empty. It's void of, well, hope and hopefulness. I'm certain that all of us, at one time, have felt a sense of hopelessness....but to live that way entirely would certainly crush the soul. The hope that the Bible refers to is our hope, through faith in Jesus, that we will not just die, but be raised to life eternal. If we HAVE that hope, if our loved ones have that hope, then certainly we should never mourn as those without it.
It is this "hope" that provided the balm I needed to heal after Bailey's death. Certainly it was hard to understand when it happened, but now I can REJOICE knowing she is truely NOT dead. Were it not for that hope, I would undoubtedly still struggle with her loss.
In addition to hope, God gives us a peace. And not just ANY peace, a peace that "transcends" all understanding.
Phillipians 4: 4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Let me tell you that I have experienced, and am experiencing, that peace right now! It is absolutely NOT in my nature to sit by while someone else determines when I will be a parent again. Yet I have peace in the process.
I see dozens of people on various adoption boards that do NOT have peace. They are in obvious agony as they wait. Their anxiousness is evident in every post, their fear apparent in the way they react to bits of information. And why wouldn't they be in agony? Anxious? Fearful? Their HOPE and PEACE has been placed at the feet of humans!! I'm certain there isn't a person reading this that has never been let down by a human. ......it happens all the time! The easiest way to guarantee pain is to place your "faith", or try to find your hope and peace, through a mere person. Even looking to ourselves for peace and hope is a recipe for disaster (ever let yourself down....I sure have!).
Yet when I go to our agency's message board, I see something very different. The families on there are still anxious and impatient, but they are at peace. They don't "go off the deep end" each time a "bad" rumor comes out about the wait. There is no cursing, no anger, no anguish. Why? The only reason I can come up with is that they have put their faith for hope and peace in God. Over and over I read posts from families saying they know they'll get the child they are meant to have. They are soothed by the knowledge that God is in control. They are encouraged by the fact that God is dependable and that there is NOTHING He cannot overcome.
But when there is an absence of that, it just comes down to ourselves or other people.....it's no wonder so many people feel hopeless and anxious these days! Oh that isn't to say that believers don't feel anxiety. We certainly do! However, when we place those cares on Jesus, the knowledge that He is "walking the walk" with us is a balm to our hearts.
Matthew 11: 28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Am I facing a different circumstance then the families I see without hope or peace? Many of them have fewer months of waiting then we have remaining. Did they go through more pain trying to create their family? Many have experienced infertility and even miscarriages, but I would say that our experience with AM and Bailey is at least as painful. Do I just have better coping mechanisms? Perhaps I'm not as "emotionally invested" in the adoption as they are?
Or perhaps it's because of the Lord of light shines His brightness into the darkness of these situations? Gives me hope. Gives me peace. Gives me the knowledge that He holds this WHOLE situation in His hands?
Let me assure you, that is the case. And it's available to all those who believe. You see, I don't have to rely on myself or other's for my peace or hope. I can rely on the God that created the heavens and the earth. That's a whole lot better then depending on some faceless person on the other side of the world holding my adoption paperwork!
I pray that those of you reading this blog know that peace. Know the hope that comes from a relationship with the living God. For WHO (or what!) can stand against us if God stands for us! (Romans 8:31).
2 years ago